Hope and Anticipation

Oct 31, 2021 | After The Great Journey, Thoughts

Many times I have said those words to myself, but the occasions were always similar. I used it as some kind of verdict.
I believe: This is the meta reason of what drives us, believing in something to come.
Let me share:

 

Where do we experience it?

From the very beginning of our lives we longed for the next breath, for the next meal, for the next relief of uncomfortable circumstances.
Even those who were there for us in those times did anticipate these next steps with us.
More over, they waited for us to learn all new things until we were old enough to anticipate breakthroughs or even trivial joys of the everyday life ourselves.
Since then, we spent much of our lives waiting, anticipating, hoping:
The first day of school, the last day of school, the first day on the job, maybe even the last day on the job, driving a car, finding a partner, going on a holiday. Even most pieces of music are directly playing with the concept of teasing and rewarding. Or maybe before a date, before biting in that burger, before watching the next episode after a mean cliffhanger.
We always have something to look forward to. Literally.

 

What does it mean in life?

I want to outline the fact that there is always something in the future, and never in the past, that we can anticipate, that we can carve our path towards, that we can hope for.
There is always something we wish for, that we will be happy about, that we would like. Even if we don’t actively look at it, it is there and bound to happen.
The concept of forward moving time is that the future will have happened eventually. And just like we can shape our reality, we can decide on the things that make us happy in that future.
If there wouldn’t be anything in front of us, there would not be a reason to live. But there is always something. And thus, always a reason to venture forward.
How many boys have set new records in cleaning their room only because a girl mentioned coming over? Why do deadlines motivate us? Why do we shave?
Because there is something coming. Something that matters to us in some way.

 

What if it is bad, or not even there?

I just assumed one would want to be happy. That being happy is the main goal in life. Even though it might not be this simple, I still decide to live in that reality where ultimately we want to be happy. Each individual their way.
Still, some things we feel coming are not pleasant. For me a dentist appointment I would anticipate for one reason only: So it is over after. How easy would it be to obsess over the unpleasant part? If I could avoid it without causing harm, I would not have to go. But if there is no way around something like that, we can look even further forward.
Also, when you don’t see anything that would make you happy, you are either locked up in a dark cell or you are overlooking something. Which brings me to the next point:

 

Big or small? Important or irrelevant?

I go by a very simple equation:

The more things make you happy, the happier you are.

My equation doesn’t account for the nature of thing or its size (sounds familiar?), though it is subordinate to causing no harm.
That means, you can allow yourself to put your hopes in the next sandwich, the next run in the sunset, the next legal high. Though all of these same things are perfect reason to keep your hopes up and anticipate them with all our hearts, there are even bigger things.

What about our relationships? What about work? What about our life?
Many of those parts affect each other. They even amplify or hinder each other. Sometimes we seem to fly, because there are so many next steps happening across the board. Sometimes we are holding back and seek comfort in the familiar surrounding.

Sometimes we go through sour patches, only hoping, anticipating even, it would make something else better again. Whether that is a good strategy, the future will tell. Or has told already? This is why we rely on experience so often, despite surprises surprise us ever so often.
Sometimes we care only about ourselves, which is right, but as humans we usually care about others as well. And that’s where it gets interesting: How are we setting hope and anticipation there? Do we hope together? Do we anticipate the same things? Can we talk about it? Be honest about it?

Do we have arrived? Are we stuck? Do we know where to go? Do we sometimes take care of ourselves first, so we can help the other one better?

Good news: You don’t have to worry too much. Because there simply is a next step, be it little or big, waiting for you. And it is always important and never irrelevant. Because you are looking forward to it. And that makes you go forward.

 

Where does it end?

To be honest, it could just end when something has come true, has passed or is no longer an option to hope for.

Or it could go on forever when you do look forward and spot another thing. Any thing. Any next step. May it be big or small, it will be worth going for. Some people live their entire life anticipating just one thing. And what strong drive they have!

But even when you are legally lost, you can decide on a direction. The direction you think you’ll like. You can take baby steps or bold strokes. But there is always something coming.
Do you see it? Do you want to see it? Do you long for it? Do you want to go further from there?

Fitting the topic my heart was set to this month, I also just had the great opportunity to take pictures of a friends baby bump.
And what a great example of a thing to anticipate! <3

What’s for lunch? Adventure!

Sep 30, 2021 | After The Great Journey, Thoughts

Most days of my employment I took advantage of my very short way home for spending my lunch break.
I liked the little trip into the familiarity, to recharge and replenish in another place than at work.

As my role changed, my team situation evolved and I as a person grew, I found myself in the company of my work mates frightingly often.
Either (the least of times) I brought something from home or we went to the near supermarket or we got some takeaway and spent our break together in varying groups.

I am a person who is always looking for things that make me happy. Little things count as well!
Food makes me happy, human company most of the time makes me happy, trying new things makes me happy, routines make my happy.

What I want to talk about today: My favourite means of food acquisition is the infamous oracle (it might be my responsibility it got as infamous).
With the oracle, you never know what awaits your taste buds, you never know if the oracle presents you with food you already know, you never know where the oracle sends you on your journey.

The oracle boasts its greatest advantage in it offering food on sale.
For it actually is that little part in the supermarket aisle where you find all the half-or-less priced food that has to go quickly, or else…

It is brilliant: You always strike a good deal, you always have a pre-selected mix of foods which dramatically helps with choosing, you save perfectly good food from being thrown out and most important of all: You go for things you would never have looked at until you see them on that daily short list.

The only thing you have to bring is a tolerance in sustenance preference, a sense of adventure and preferably someone to share the joy of the thrilling process each day you travel to the oracle.

I noticed the oracle is not the way for everyone. But yet again, I am not like everyone and not everyone is like me.

This excites me a lot: Learning about who I am and who I am not, what I am able to and what I like.
Be it through a funny routine and a seemingly trivial act of lunch: I get a glimpse of myself and that is something special.

All you need is Trust

Aug 31, 2021 | After The Great Journey, Thoughts

This last month I had many encounters and situations which got me thinking and talking about trust.
So I would like to use the momentum of a heartfelt topic and explain why it touched me so much.

 

What do we talk about when we talk about trust?

Trust is an understanding, in which one is certain that the other has good intentions. Be it small things, like jumping into your father’s arms, bigger things, like letting your loved one go to a wild party alone, or abstract things, like assuming one means well when saying ambiguous and daring things.

 

Why is trust so fundamentally important?

When you trust someone, you can let go in many ways. You can rely on them, you can confide in them, you can promote them without any doubt.
It liberates you from any negative thought about their intentions, because you do trust them and don’t have to think otherwise.
Also, trust is the deepest reason for any connection we develop. Without it we would not be able to fall for someone, to take a bite of a strange looking object, to believe any word in our ears.

 

What are those good intentions we trust?

“A man usually has two reasons for doing a thing: the one that sounds good and the real one.” are the words of Dale Carnegie. When you think about it, it is true: We all have our reasons and we also have an ‘official’ explanation for it. And that is by no means a bad thing, because everyone works that way.
The only important thing is: Any of those reasons should be of good will and not to harm, in order to make one trustworthy.
Sometimes, good or bad can be seen differently. For some, littering is pure crime, yet for others it is a way of life and they don’t see the harm it might cause. In their eyes the level of ‘harm’ is insignificant, measured against their values and priorities, also the act itself is deemed good (for themselves, mind you, which could be the highest priority then).
It is up for us to decide, whether the driver in front of us wants to actively annoy us or if he is just driving carefully not to make their dog puke inside the car.
Further, in well-established constructs like the workplace or the own family, it is our decision to remind ourselves of either officially or unofficially set good intentions or to still be in doubt and worry about anything that is happening regardless.

 

Advantages of trust

  • You are able to meet people for the first time and have an experience many only know from longer friendships
  • You can share greater aspects of your life with another party and have confidence in them and be at ease
  • You are likely to make real progress, creatively, professionally, personally, with other people
  • You have the liberty to speak and act freely, as the receiver trusts your good intentions and vice versa

 

How is trust bestowed upon someone or something?

My short answer would be: By proof.
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” Ernest Hemingway once said. And that is the special thing about trust. You first need to decide in its favor and then either be proven right or be proven wrong, where the latter is one of the harder lessons in life.
Trust can be initiated really quickly and easily:

Someone told you to trust some brand? There’s trust. Someone looks like someone you know and like? There’s trust. You feel in your guts that something will do the things you expect it to do? There’s trust.
Then you buy, then you go with them, then you cross that bridge. Whether those were wise decisions, you’ll see after and it will affect the way you trust in the future.

But the down payment must happen first, that’s the catch.

 

Disadvantages of trust

  • You have to pay in advance
  • There are two kinds of outcome

 

How to measure trust?

As trust still is a rather complex concept with many aspects and quirks, alongside trustworthiness, I don’t think there is a single equation for evaluating it.
But there are two sides you can actively affect: Trusting others and being trustworthy.

For increasing your own trustworthiness I like to go for an approach of approximation: Any action towards proving the trust already paid down righteous makes you more trustworthy. Even trivial attitudes, like listening, speaking clearly and loudly, smiling and so on increase the chance of you being trustworthy.

For increasing the gifts of trust towards others you need to find a balance between the simpleminded and the wise perspective: Wise you’ll have to be not to make decisions you are sure to regret later. Just think of the time after you have made the decision and if you will have known better or not. Simpleminded you’ll have to be far more often than wise, to assume good intentions where you have the conscious freedom to do so. (read more about your reality, the world you choose to live in, here)

 

How values are critical in the equation

We live in a moving world, in a progressive society, in an evolving ocean of possibilities.

But there will always be the things that are hierarchically important to us. Some of those and their order can differ, depending on the environment we find ourselves in.

These things, because of their order of priority, are called values.
It is pleasing to see them clearly in a person, so you can grasp an understanding of them.

Not always do we know our own values. Not always we understand others’ values. Not always we strive to explore either.

Only it would make it so much easier to decide to trust in each other, if we knew what values are most important to us and to others.
If we had an offending thought or encounter, we could decide by a closer look at the values of a person that the value in question is not against our own and confidently trust away.

 

If you are a family member, a coworker, a passenger, a buyer, a seller, a friend, an opponent:

 

Be the first to trust the other, both, wisely and simplemindedly, assuming good intentions.

 

Be the first to try understanding and shaping the values we live by.

 

Be the one who lives in a good world and invite every creature to come and live in it.