This last month I had many encounters and situations which got me thinking and talking about trust.
So I would like to use the momentum of a heartfelt topic and explain why it touched me so much.
What do we talk about when we talk about trust?
Trust is an understanding, in which one is certain that the other has good intentions. Be it small things, like jumping into your father’s arms, bigger things, like letting your loved one go to a wild party alone, or abstract things, like assuming one means well when saying ambiguous and daring things.
Why is trust so fundamentally important?
When you trust someone, you can let go in many ways. You can rely on them, you can confide in them, you can promote them without any doubt.
It liberates you from any negative thought about their intentions, because you do trust them and don’t have to think otherwise.
Also, trust is the deepest reason for any connection we develop. Without it we would not be able to fall for someone, to take a bite of a strange looking object, to believe any word in our ears.
What are those good intentions we trust?
“A man usually has two reasons for doing a thing: the one that sounds good and the real one.” are the words of Dale Carnegie. When you think about it, it is true: We all have our reasons and we also have an ‘official’ explanation for it. And that is by no means a bad thing, because everyone works that way.
The only important thing is: Any of those reasons should be of good will and not to harm, in order to make one trustworthy.
Sometimes, good or bad can be seen differently. For some, littering is pure crime, yet for others it is a way of life and they don’t see the harm it might cause. In their eyes the level of ‘harm’ is insignificant, measured against their values and priorities, also the act itself is deemed good (for themselves, mind you, which could be the highest priority then).
It is up for us to decide, whether the driver in front of us wants to actively annoy us or if he is just driving carefully not to make their dog puke inside the car.
Further, in well-established constructs like the workplace or the own family, it is our decision to remind ourselves of either officially or unofficially set good intentions or to still be in doubt and worry about anything that is happening regardless.
Advantages of trust
- You are able to meet people for the first time and have an experience many only know from longer friendships
- You can share greater aspects of your life with another party and have confidence in them and be at ease
- You are likely to make real progress, creatively, professionally, personally, with other people
- You have the liberty to speak and act freely, as the receiver trusts your good intentions and vice versa
How is trust bestowed upon someone or something?
My short answer would be: By proof.
“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” Ernest Hemingway once said. And that is the special thing about trust. You first need to decide in its favor and then either be proven right or be proven wrong, where the latter is one of the harder lessons in life.
Trust can be initiated really quickly and easily:
Someone told you to trust some brand? There’s trust. Someone looks like someone you know and like? There’s trust. You feel in your guts that something will do the things you expect it to do? There’s trust.
Then you buy, then you go with them, then you cross that bridge. Whether those were wise decisions, you’ll see after and it will affect the way you trust in the future.
But the down payment must happen first, that’s the catch.
Disadvantages of trust
- You have to pay in advance
- There are two kinds of outcome
How to measure trust?
As trust still is a rather complex concept with many aspects and quirks, alongside trustworthiness, I don’t think there is a single equation for evaluating it.
But there are two sides you can actively affect: Trusting others and being trustworthy.
For increasing your own trustworthiness I like to go for an approach of approximation: Any action towards proving the trust already paid down righteous makes you more trustworthy. Even trivial attitudes, like listening, speaking clearly and loudly, smiling and so on increase the chance of you being trustworthy.
For increasing the gifts of trust towards others you need to find a balance between the simpleminded and the wise perspective: Wise you’ll have to be not to make decisions you are sure to regret later. Just think of the time after you have made the decision and if you will have known better or not. Simpleminded you’ll have to be far more often than wise, to assume good intentions where you have the conscious freedom to do so. (read more about your reality, the world you choose to live in, here)
How values are critical in the equation
We live in a moving world, in a progressive society, in an evolving ocean of possibilities.
But there will always be the things that are hierarchically important to us. Some of those and their order can differ, depending on the environment we find ourselves in.
These things, because of their order of priority, are called values.
It is pleasing to see them clearly in a person, so you can grasp an understanding of them.
Not always do we know our own values. Not always we understand others’ values. Not always we strive to explore either.
Only it would make it so much easier to decide to trust in each other, if we knew what values are most important to us and to others.
If we had an offending thought or encounter, we could decide by a closer look at the values of a person that the value in question is not against our own and confidently trust away.
If you are a family member, a coworker, a passenger, a buyer, a seller, a friend, an opponent:
Be the first to trust the other, both, wisely and simplemindedly, assuming good intentions.
