The Thing about the Au Pair

I am an au pair.

But just as with every au pair, the time as one passes. That doesn’t change the fact that you lived as an au pair. No matter if that time was shorter or longer.

My blog features the title ‘The Thing about the au pair and my life…’. That stays like that, but now only the thing about my life continues.

My time as an au pair was shorter than expected. I get asked often what exactly happened. As in the beginning I was quite happy with the family and living with there. And I was, no doubt; before in the last week certain cases came to light…

What I didn’t realise enough in the beginning was the fact that you inhabit a particular role as an au pair.
An au pair comes to a family in order to support the life with kids as a family member.
A family member surrenders to the regulations of the parents, by nature’s default. That can be, depending on how far those ways of life and values differ from the own, more or less difficult.
In my case there was no similarity to be found in their way of life and my personal reasoning. For I could have never adapted to their way of life, the relationship just didn’t take off.
But as long as I was sure that the host mum was satisfied with my work and effort, I was happy. The main problem, as revealed in the end, was lack in communication. In the beginning the host mum said that, if there were no improvement talks, every thing would be in order.
But seemingly I didn’t implement the hints and suggestions as precise as she wished after I approached her for advise. Thus, she took me for immune to criticism. Also, my good will was put in doubt, which led me away very very quickly.

Nevertheless I have a fully shaped life as an au pair to tell about. I now know the circle of laundry, can make extraordinary cookies, can do the dishes/ tidy up/ clean up, fry mince to prefection and know SO much more about family life.

I learned the importance of parents in kids’ lives. As kids are just the product of their parents. That applies not only to genes, it doesn’t. Every facette of the parents and the relationship between themselves and to the environment shapes the kids, the house and the life as a family.

I couldn’t stand it anymore as soon as I saw that my effort were fruitless.
And just how happy and free I felt when driving away from that house for the last time! Oh, those surges of emotion don’t come in every other day…

But aside from the bitter lesson my view on family life evolved as well. There were many many nice moments in that time, of course, and you can take something from any situation… In a few years’ time I see myself as a family man. (This information is supplied without liability. 😉 )

I have learned what it means to live with a foreign family and work for them as an au pair. That was my goal. And I reached it fully.
Even though there are some shadows above those 4 months, it has been an experience not to be underestimated and not to be forgotten.

Not least I came by some wonderful people…

Some hard learned lessons for au pairs to be:

 

• Carefully watch the parents and how they act. Does only one get to speak or do both communicate equally? How do they talk about each other

 

• What is important to the family and what are things the family does neglect? (what do they declare family values and what don’t they, is there decoration around the house or are medals and certificates the only trinkets, etc.)

 

• Kids will always be a handful. But when you get word about fussiness and naughtiness in advance, you better listen up.

 

• Milk any source of experiences you can get your hands on about the family. Carefully weigh everything you hear…

 

Maybe one day I will make listing of things that are important in general when being/ becoming an au pair and how reality and theory work together… Whoever is interested, just let me know and I will prioritise accordingly. 😉

However, my life here in Dunedin continues. Soon more about that… 🙂